White Picket Fences
by Parodys
Summary: Nikita is left to deal with the aftermath of Michael's death and his son who was left behind. She's forced to make some hard decisions about her life and Adam's future. *Chapter 2 is new and up*
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own them…if I did they would still be around.

A/N Let's see I'm just going to say that Adam is about three years old in this...old enough to be potty trained and young enough to still easily bounce back. This is Nikita's POV…hope you like it and remember…reviews are loved and craved!

White Picket Fences

"After that single fateful day where you step out of those warm, comforting walls and into the 

world where you are left to be beaten and bruised, there is no returning to that warm haven. At best you are forced to travel alone searching for the one place where you engulfed wholly and fully as yourself…into your own home. I have yet to find mine…." Anon

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It's surprising how quickly the amazing can become mundane, how soon the unthinkable manages to wedge itself in your consciousness. I had been Operations for only a year, a year that if I think back on it now, contains some of the most fantastic and horrible things that I have ever done. The title that was bestowed upon me still doesn't fit as well as it did it's previous owner, but that's to be expected. To be honest I hope it never fits, I don't think I want to be that cold blooded, that careless with lives.

I had just finished reading the reports from the mission, when Jason came to me in the perch. it's not often that he ascends to my little 'nest', I know it makes him uncomfortable to be around me despite how much he tries to hide it. He was present through almost all of my reincarnations; from the dead, then as Jones' second, his daughter and now as my present position. I've seen from his profile that he likes to be in control, and his lack of ability to peg me as it were...disturbs him.

Today, when he came near he was openly afraid and he handed me a pad. "We received news just moments ago that Red Cell found Michael. Our operatives weren't able to stop them." His voice is distant and hazy, reminiscent of his computers that he loves so dearly. What is the boy trying to say to me?

Jason grabbed my arm, bringing me back to the present with three harsh words. "Michael is dead." I have to be careful now, show no emotion, that's what Michael always told me...that's what he always did. I make sure my emotions are in check before I reply, god what do I say to something like that?

"Causalities?"

He looked surprised for a moment before consulting his pad. "The two operatives that were watching him, and Michael."

"And Adam?"

"Adam was left unhurt, he was at preschool at the time. What do you want us to do with him?"

My mind is racing as I walk out of the room. "Bring him to me."

Ten minutes later three operatives walk in with a sleeping boy in tow, cradled in black uniforms that perform executions day after day. Walter told me later that the entire Section stood still as I took Michael's baby boy in my arms, watching as I held him close, lingering over his childish features that were so like Michael. I didn't cry. Michael would be so proud of me if he was here.

And yet, at the presence of this little child, I can feel predators out there...lurking for any sign of weakness to roost me from power. Father is no longer here to protect me, so I think it's time for a little

originality. I can feel the stares, and surprise as I don't leave for the Tower, but continue on back up to the Perch where I have them set up a couch for Adam to sleep in. The sedative that he was given will last only a few more hours, so it gives me little time to prepare. Willing or not, this was my father's legacy and it will not be taken from me.

One quick call to Michelle sends her my way. Operations had Madeline, and if Michael had stayed we would have been a team. Whether I like it or not, I need someone I can trust, and she has no desire for power, but an uncanny knack for understanding the human psyche. Makes me wonder if Daddy dearest ever had a little tryst with Madeline.

Tryst or not, Michelle arrived an hour later and all she did was take one look at the boy and ask. "How long do you need?"

"48 hours."

"Are you sure that'll be enough?"

I nod, surprised to find that I can still smile. "Adam knew me when Elana and Michael were married. To him I'm Aunt Nikki. It will be okay."

She looks at me for a moment and then reaches across to dim the window. Once it was black she gave me a hug, and for a second I almost broke, surrendering to the unimaginable grief threatening to undo me. I didn't though. Michelle lets go and holds my hand as she gazes at the small boy. "And what will happen to the child?"

My mind shrinks away from the obvious decision, the last thing he needs is to be put into another foster home. An even worse choice would to have him under Section's care. Shaking my head sadly, I shrugged. "I just don't know."

Gathering myself together I hand her the two pads with information on it. "Everything seems to be pretty quiet. Hold off on any major missions until I get back."

Michelle smiled softly. "You'll be gone only two days. Relax, Nikita."

"Right." I agreed, and picked up Adam and gently lifted him up, carefully wiping a little bit of drool with the edge of my sleeve. His body was heavy and warm, and he sighed softly snuggling into my neck as we headed outside.

***************************

I took Adam to a small house tucked away in the rolling hills of the country. It was a simple little cottage, something Michael would have chosen. I had furnished it with a few sparse pieces of furniture, I rarely came here often enough to make it worthwhile anyway. By the time we arrived, Adam had begun to stir, and when I had placed him on the couch he woke up with a start. He jerked his head around at me, taking in his surrounding, his blue eyes wide with surprise and fear.

"Adam, do you remember me?" I asked softly, sitting on the far end of the couch.

He shook his head, and for a moment I can see Michael in him as he looks for possible escape routes.

"I was a friend of your father's. My name is Nikita, Aunt Nikki?"

Realization dawns, and within seconds he in my arms, clutching me as if he's afraid to let me go. We sat like that for ages before I could bring myself to talk. How do you tell a child that his father, that came back from the dead is gone? That the man who was like a god to the boy, is unable to commit that one

last miraculous feat?

And so I told him, that his father was dead. Four words. Simple, precise and it still wasn't enough to break that belief that his father was alive. After all, if it happened once, why not again? I didn't even realize that I was crying until his chubby hand clumsily brushed away my tears, wiping the wetness off in bewilderment. It was only then that he cried, the big choking sobs of children that feel with every particle of their beings. Everything about him mourned, and with his tiny arms around me, so did I.

-fin-

--So, should I keep on going with this or keep it as it is?


	2. Chain link fences

Disclaimer: If they were mine, they would still be on the air and Nikita and Michael would be together.

A/N: Read chapter one..you might hate me but you'll know what's going on!

White Picket Fences

2

Those two days, tucked away from the world strengthened us, made us stronger. I spent the time doing wonderfully mundane things, baking cookies, wiping Adam's face clean, tucking him into bed at night. We talked about his dreams, his hopes, his nightmares about his mother's death that were soon joined by ones of his father. He would wake up from these shivering and gasping from fear, burrowing in my arms as if I had the power to stop death by my mere presence. I wish. Oh I wish. I want a lifetime of this, not mere hours with this child of Michael's. This child that radiates the same calm, the same dignity as his father that makes me feel like Michael is watching me through his eyes. In the forty six hours we were together, he handed over to me his heart that had been crushed three times now. God help me, it only made what I had to do that much harder.

Adam came with me one last time to the Section, his small hand clutched in mine as he took in the sights with wide eyes. They must have been warned of my coming because no one made any comment or even looked our way as we walked up to the Perch. Michelle was there waiting for us, her soft smile melting Adam even before they were introduced.

She set down the pad she had been holding and held her hand to the small boy. "Welcome Adam. I'm sorry about your father."

Adam nodded seriously, his deep blue eyes shining for a moment before reigning in his emotions. "thank you."

I motioned for Adam to sit in the couch while Michelle and I talked quietly in the corner. The window was blacked out, and Michelle laid a gentle hand on my shoulder. "Are you feeling better?"

"No." I answer honestly, today of all days isn't one for charades. "How is Section?"

"Fine. Liberia went well and we're presently getting intel in on chemical weapons deal going on between Red Cell and an arms dealer called Smith. We should be ready to move within the day."

"Good." My breathe hitches in my chest as I look at the woman I have known less than a year, and called a sister even less. In that space of time she has managed to be family to me, making up for a lot of the pain I used to feel from not having one. As I stare into blue eyes that mirror my own, all I see is love and I know trust her with everything that I have and more importantly everything I love. "Michelle…"

She smiles and puts a finger to my lips. "I'll do it. He'll be happy Nikita, I promise."

In the hours that Adam slept those two days, I was far from idle. Accounts were arranged, college funds were set up, passports, and identification created for a Michelle West and her son Adam. I had made her a single mother, her fiancé tragically lost in a car accident when she was pregnant with Adam. He was young and hopefully could forget. 

My chest hurts, a dull aching pain that I doubt will go away. If it had been another life, if I had chosen another path, if I had said no, if I had turned away from my father, Adam could have been mine and his father my husband. Instead this small child with a sturdy chin and dimpled cheeks will get a chance at a life that neither his father, mother or I had. He _will_ be happy and no matter what, I _will _protect him from the world. 

"Adam."

He turns to look at me with such trusting eyes that I have to pause a moment forcing the pain down to a manageable level. "Adam, you know that I love you so much don't you?"

Adam nods, and places a small hand on my hand. 

"And that anything I do is done so that you will be happy and safe."

"Uh-huh."

"Your father loved you so much that he didn't want you to be sad, so he made me promise a long time ago that I would make sure that you were safe. As much as I would love to have you live with me it's not safe here."

Adam whimpered softly and dove into my arms, his body trembling unwilling to here the words he knows are going to be said.

"Since I love you so much I'm going to have my sister to take care of you. She already thinks the world of you…" My words fall on deaf ears as I shatter his heart yet one more time. Michelle kneels by us and takes Adam in her arms, soothing him with murmurs of love. He sobs, tears pour down his cheeks as he holds out his arms to me. God it hurts. I let him back in my arms and I know what I have to do, so I hold him close and whisper in his ear. "You're my brave little boy aren't you?"

Choking he nods. 

"You're going to be strong, and watch out for Michelle aren't you? My two favorite people are going to watch for each other okay. Now kiss me because you have to go now."

My words were meaningless and they had to tear him from arms, his shrill screams echoing in the rooms of the ultimate betrayal. Bruises mar my arms from where he clutched me so desperately and all I could do was stand there and watch. Face expressionless, and I can see the instant his love turns to hate. It twists his face into an ugly grimace and lets go, hurt once too often. What do they say about that single straw on the donkey's back? I didn't place the last straw, I cut the donkey's legs out from under it. I'm so sorry baby. My heart is breaking into irreplaceable shards when Jason walks in, pity evident in his face which makes me angry. Pity is the last thing I need from anyone. I've lost any claim to need anything from anyone.

"You called?"

"Yes, how did the sims go for the weapon's dealer?" 

Jason bites his lip. "They went well. We have a few adjustments to make and then we'll be ready to move."

"Good, call in the operatives and have them get ready. How do you feel about Michelle's job?" Words manage to form on their own despite my total conviction that I have somehow shriveled up into nothing. Perhaps that was just my soul, sucked dry of any joy , a brittle husk from what Michael once knew. 

"Fine, she's been training me for several months now." His eyes try to assess me, see if I've lost that grip on reality that has been threatening to give way since…since he…since he died. 

"Yes, we were planning to have her move to the Center but that's been changed. You'll be taking over her position on a temporary basis."

Jason looked slightly shocked, but over the past few months he had shown amazing aptitude for Madeline's old job. "Who will take over intel?"

"We're bringing in a new girl from the Center. That'll be all."

"Okay." He leaves angry at me, but that will make no difference. We are Section and what we wanted was irrelevant the moment we entered those steel doors. And so I stand, alone, keeping vigil over the hundred of bodies under my command. The pain threatens to rip my heart out and all I can think is that…that Section doesn't let us go once we're in it's grip. We are Section and no matter what the price, we destroy lives for the greater good, and in the end all that's left are broken shards of people trapped behind steel doors and empty deeds. In this gilded prison of high hopes and noble deeds, all I do is just try to breathe and survive.

-fin-

A/N: One more chapter to go..thanks for all the great reviews. 


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